


Man in the Mirror

by Taariesu



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Crack, Don't Judge Me, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, POV Original Character, Paranoia warning, Personal Care Routines, Slice of Life, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2933660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taariesu/pseuds/Taariesu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knows their darkest secrets? Who do they turn to when there's no one else to trust? Who is watching them without them noticing? Right: their bathroom mirror! It's too bad because this mirror is also a conceited, nagging, biased whino ...<br/>Yes, this story is told from the mirror's POV. You have been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Man in the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> This began as a writing experiment, to overcome a writer's block. 'Try a different POV' and so on, you know ... ;)

Imagine, you stare at a deserted room. You see a cascade of white tiles, all identical, the gaps in between, a washing machine across from you, half a toilet. That's it, nothing else. You see this for hours, sometimes for days. Imagine what it would be like if this was your _life_. Wouldn't it be terribly unsatisfying, wouldn't you feel that something is missing, that you could have become so much more? I think you would. You'd be so bored that you wish you had never been manufactured. 

I know this because that's how _my_ life feels like most of the time. I can't close my eyes, can't look away from the dreary sight of the bathroom, can't do anything. The only time life gets interesting is when someone positions themselves in front of me to do something. In between these short episodes of joy, the only changing thing is the light from the window. And that's nice, it allows me to guess at the time. There's a clock in the bathroom, too, but I can't see it because it stands on the left side of my own shelf. After all, I am a mirrored bathroom cabinet, not one of these flat and nonfunctional losers. I'm capacious, functional, with minimum space requirements. When the boys lingered in my corner of the shop and the assistant told them these things about me, I admit that I felt a little flattered, but they're nevertheless true. The two did well buying me all those years ago. I don't want anyone's pity. All I want is a little credit for my attention. Is that too much to ask for?

 

It's early morning. The bathroom door opens, and Sasuke comes in. Instantly, I find myself panting: Come to me, look at me! He darts a glance at me before moving to the toilet. Well, technically speaking, he's looking at his reflection. In me. It's nice and gives me the feeling of a proper good morning greeting. In exchange, I try not to watch while he's using the toilet. I cannot really look away because my rigid surface makes it impossible to prevent him from being reflected, but I can concentrate on other things for his sake.

He comes to the sink to wash his hands. Now I see him clearly. There's midnight's silk in your eyes, I say concerned, you better clean this or you'll look like you overslept! Sasuke examines his eyes with a frown, then rubs the sleep out of them. Wait, there's more…!

Before I get a closer look, he opens my right door to take out his face wash. I catch a glimpse of the bathroom's right side – the shelf beside the toilet, the shower cell and the window – then I'm being veered around and closed again. I never got used to seeing two different sights at the same time, it still makes me feel like a chameleon. Sasuke is usually nice though, he always closes me gently so that my doors don't bang. Naruto doesn't care about such courtesies at all, which tends to give me the uncomfortable feeling that I'm somehow being used.

But now Sasuke's here, and watching him fills me with pride and joy. When he cleans his face he does it with care and prudence. He taps in his skin cream, there's no careless rubbing. Especially the delicate areas around the eyes, which he gently taps with his ring fingers only. He also knows that skin needs time to absorb care products to obtain the desirable effect. Sasuke is a pro, but it's a given that without me he'd be nothing. I'm his best friend, I'm irreplaceable. He _needs_ me, desperately so.

Stop, I call when he's about to leave. Check again if everything's perfect!

He comes back, finding another critical spot beside his nose. Ha, he follows my every word. I'm in control here. Well, the boy knows what's right and proper! Even though he's rarely here in the daytime, which is a bit sad, he takes extra time for styling his hair, uses dental floss every day and consults me about removing his chest hair. Maybe he's doing this on purpose, for me? So that I'm not so alone, because I'm special to him?

Suddenly, he looks to the door, rather grimly I'd say. What's going on? I can't hear, just see and feel and, which is a true enrichment to my existence, read lips. Someone must have knocked, but Sasuke decides to ignore it, preferring to look at me instead. Good boy, I don't want him to leave. 

He turns his head this way and that, his eyebrows furrowed. You look great, I assure him. No one's on par with you! But something distracts him again. With a sudden jerk of his head, he looks to the door again.

“I heard you the first time, dobe,” he snaps. It really looks like snapping, or barking, even though my experiences with dogs are limited. He continues plucking at his hair, yet somehow his commitment seems to be lost. I'm afraid I'll have to let him go for this time. A pity. 

 

Sometime mid morning. I feel a bit ... not exactly dirty, but not speckless either. There are splashes of toothpaste on me! I need cleaning, and it's Naruto's turn. Great. He's standing in front of me, supposedly with the intention to help me get pretty. This time you better do it right, and no sloppiness!, I urge. He makes a sulky face, as if he had better things to do. When he sprays some cleaner on my surface he only does it halfheartedly. 

All the way through scrubbing me, he babbles to himself. I'm not sure if I even wish I understood all the words, but “stupid housework” is definitely among them. Poor guy, I feel _so_ sorry for you. If you didn't talk so much during tooth brushing, you maybe wouldn't spit so much on me! Has your shriveled brain ever thought of that?

I'm getting more and more angry. Don't look like you're doing the toilet or something! There is no comparison ...! But it seems impossible for him to grasp the fact that our relationship is supposed to be based on mutual respect. His treatment of me is rather rough, I dare say. Downright loveless. And now he doesn't even wipe the edges properly, it's unbelievable. You slag, I cry, I'm going to tell Sasuke! Sasuke always cleans me thoroughly and you are cheating!

I want to pinch the idiot. I really do, and the best thing is that it'll be impossible for him to ever find out that it will have been _my_ doing. Humans are so clueless ...

My right door has been open while Naruto was 'cleaning' the left one. In a moment he will have to close it, and then – and then – just a second more, I'm doing it _now_ – 

“Ouch! Stupid thing!” Naruto screams. Oops, someone seems to be furious. Haha. How moronic he looks, waggling his fingers in the air like that! I have to say I'm quite satisfied with my performance. Of course he's just talking, he can't know that it was me who – 

OWIE! Is that guy serious–?!

“Ha, take that! Think you're the only one who can do this?” 

He's done it, he's really done it and _beat_ me! With his dirty little fist against my shiny reflecting surface. Oh, he has committed follies before, but I've never felt so hurt. You – you just wait you punk!

 

Afternoon. I've come up with a plan! I'm going to wipe the floor with him! Since I know from experience how much people depend on mirrors it'll be easy. Actually, not only Sasuke but also Naruto comes to me rather often to look at himself. I'm going to use that to my advantage. From now on, I'm going to show him only his ugliest side. I will make him as repulsive as I can. He'll be afraid of looking in the mirror when I'm done with him!

There he is. Was about time! He seems buoyant and extremely satisfied with himself. I follow his movements with suspicion. What is he up to? It doesn't matter though. Whatever his plan is, mine is better. 

He comes directly to me. If he only knew! As soon as his eyes meet my surface, I get going: You're so disgusting, Naruto. Just look at yourself, the way your hair is sticking out like that. When was the last time you had it cut, hm? Do I see flies nesting in there? And those weird scars in your face, too bad you can't just have them removed, isn't it? You're such a loser. People will stare at you for your whole life, you look like you got mixed up with some criminals! You wicked bully boy, everyone hates you! Because you're ugly! Because you make normal people puke! Your shoulders look blokish, your cheeks are too round and fat, and this weird blue color of your eyes doesn't even exist! You clown, you pig – 

He pretends not to hear me. Instead, he puts his fingers into the corners of his mouth and starts making faces. For a moment, I'm speechless. I'm hanging here on the wall trying to come up with something, anything that will make him profoundly and irreparably unhappy, but he ignores me! His mouth as broad as a wide-mouthed frog's, he narrows his eyes and sticks his tongue out. At me, he sticks his tongue out at me grimacing right in my face! And his stupid laugh!

“Can't wait to show this to Konohamaru, hehehe.”

What a humiliation!

 

Evening. Sasuke stands in front of me doing his hair. He's wearing a fashionable blue silk shirt. I think they're going out. 

Pluck your eyebrows, I suggest humbly. He searches for the spot I found and starts picking at the small hairs with his tweezers, face in high concentration. Who would I be if I didn't reflect his image as sharp and clear as possible! We operate well together, Sasuke and I, even when it comes to difficult tasks like this. We do this every day, _that's_ teamwork! There, Sasuke, you forgot one on the left side – yes, there too, but the other one! Yes, there! 

I've got an idea. How about trying some eyeliner, Sasuke? You're a looker as it is, but then you'd be stunning! Daring! 

He pauses, looking a little uncertain, as if seeing himself with new eyes and not quite knowing what to make of it. I try to nod frenetically. Doesn't he notice me nodding? Do it do it do it! But then he frowns which means he's about to reject the idea. Come on Sasuke, listen to me! You know you'd be killer, you'd be insane not to try it!

Yes, I think now he understands! He smiles a little, as if he's imagining exactly what he would look like. Ha! _I_ planted this idea into his head! I can't wait until he comes back with that thing, entrusting the task to me, and then I'm going to help him apply it. As if he could do it without me.

He shoots one last glance at me before leaving. I know what he wants to hear and I give it to him. Flawless! Gorgeous! He answers with a smirk.

 

Deep night. They should be sleeping, but what's the meaning of this ...? I think ... I think they're going to have sex, in the bathroom, right under my eyes! Last time when they did it here they went into the shower. Now they're standing right in front of me, naked as far as I can see. Honestly, I don't know what to think. It makes me feel a little embarrassed. There's this creepy feeling that they could want me to ... join this. Naruto and this mischievous look of his ...

“So are you going to tell me why we had to interrupt that? Why did you need to go here all of a sudden?” Sasuke asks. He looks impatient, annoyed. Actually, his face is also rather red, and sweaty too. I'd never let him go out like that. 

Naruto grins. “First, because I want to do you in every corner of the apartment and today I feel like doing it in the bathroom.”

“We've done it in the shower several times.” Sasuke crosses his arms in front of his chest with a look suggesting Naruto might have a Swiss cheese for a brain, which in my opinion is a correct assumption.

“The shower doesn't count, that's like an extra room. Second, I want you to look in the mirror.”

Eh – what?

Sasuke raises his eyebrows, looking equally baffled and loath. “What makes you think I'd –”

“And third,” Naruto holds up two clothespins with a lewd grin, “I want you to wear these.”

Sasuke stares at the clothespins disbelievingly, while his face turns an even darker shade of red. He swallows. Sasuke, you're not _seriously_ considering to – 

Since he doesn't look at me, he can't hear me. His arms unfold, slowly revealing his chest. “Have you lost your mind? You're not getting one step closer to me with these things!”

Then why are you still standing there, Sasuke? Why didn't you leave your arms to protect yourself? Moron!

Naruto seems to be enjoying himself immensely, judging from his grin. “This is for the right and this is for the left nipple. I'm going to attach them, you're not allowed to touch them.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Sasuke doesn't seem to know what he wants. He takes half a step back while he keeps staring at the clamps, licking his lips. And now there's something going on in his face, very fast and rather spectacular. One moment he looks scandalized, outraged, then almost anxious and now determined and ... like he's taken the bait. All that in the matter of a second, but I'm not one to miss a change like this.

Apparently, Naruto hasn't missed it either. He takes a step towards Sasuke, bows down to his chest and sucks a nipple into his mouth while his hand strokes Sasuke's side. I can see that Sasuke likes this treatment. He's never looked at _me_ the way he's looking at Naruto right now. I thought I knew all his facial expressions! 

“Naruto ...,” Sasuke says, clearing his throat. Naruto does something with his mouth and the other nipple, then he brings out the clamps again and fastens them. Even though Sasuke tries to make a stoic face I see him flinch, but his lips are slightly parted and his eyelids flutter. Freaks, both of you!

They ignore me. Naruto seems to admire his work, then he touches Sasuke's face and kisses him. Always this kissing, can't they just ... comb each others hair or something? I can't look away and I read lips, and when they kiss they keep saying stuff like “Mmmpfschlurpschlurpshlshlshltchbtchmmooochh”. That's not even a word!

“Turn around”, Naruto says, and Sasuke complies. Good heavens he complies, and now he's looking at me! Not, not _at me_ , he's facing me but his gaze goes downwards, in the direction of the sink. He must be supporting his weight on it because he's bending forward slightly. Sasuke, look up you idiot! He doesn't see, but I see Naruto approaching him from behind, with an expression that tells me he intends to eat Sasuke alive!

Naruto does something with his hand and a part of his body I can't see, down there with Sasuke's body. There's a slight twitch of Sasuke's eyebrow, and then his head suddenly jerks back. Extreme suffering is written all over his face, but he's moaning, too, his Adam's apple moving up and down. 

“Open your eyes, Sasuke,” Naruto says behind him. Naruto doesn't look much better actually, face red and with shiny, glazed eyes. Again, Sasuke obeys reluctantly, and – oh my God, he looks at me, and in me he sees Naruto behind him who's looking back. I can't tell if I feel involved or, quite the opposite, totally neglected, even if they're both right in front of me. Unyielding, I stare back at both of them. You look so horny Sasuke, just admit it. He's all yours Naruto, just look at him. 

Naruto starts pushing Sasuke against the sink, the clamps bobbing rhythmically. “Look at me while I fuck you,” Naruto says into Sasuke's ear. Sasuke does. And the longer they hold each other's gaze, he looks like he desperately needs something. I have not the slightest idea what that might be. I can't go anywhere though. I'm just the mirror. 

At some point, Sasuke loses the last bit of his countenance. His forehead rushes towards me, sticking to the mirror doors, wet hair and everything. I like you too, Sasuke, but your sweaty head doesn't have to come _this_ close...

I can't read Naruto's words anymore. It's like something got into my eye. My whole surface is steamed over. 

 

Oh, Naruto. I know your all your dirty secrets. You sniff at Sasuke's care products and smell shamelessly at your armpits to test if your deodorant is still working. You cheat with cleaning and as for your personal hygiene, you often do it wishy-washy. You keep on grinning at me as if I told you constantly how great you were, while I've been trying to convince you of the opposite for years. You must be deaf! Do you really intend to add any more failures to your list?

Apparently you do. Whatever it is you intend to do with this cucumber, I have a really bad feeling about this. I say, let it be – 

Of course you don't listen to me. As far as I've heard, what people do with cucumbers is cut them, not push them wholly into their mouths. It seems to be a small one, but still. Oh, you don't want to eat it? What do you want? Why did you duck your head like that when you came in, checking if someone could see you? Why did you control if the door was locked three times?

Really, I have no idea what kind of plans this boy has for his future life, but with what he's doing now he could end it straight away. “Better this way, or that?” he murmurs after he's pulled the cucumber out of his mouth. Then he shoves it in again, apparently trying to get it inside as far as possible. Is my help required to explain simple food intake?

The cucumber stuck deeply in his throat, he looks at me. What ... what's this now? Is he ... fluttering his eyelashes at me? Naruto, you look ridiculous. You're making a complete fool of yourself!

He changes his expression, tries a kind of devious grin around the vegetable. Gee, you look so dumb! Sasuke never does awkward stuff like this in the bathroom!

Ah, that hit home. Naruto shakes his head and removes the cucumber, laughing a little. “Guess it's not going to work like this.” He weighs the vegetable in his hand thoughtfully. “First I have to get it all the way in, then I can start thinking about how it looks best ...” Oh dear. There is no 'look best' to achieve here!

He opens his mouth widely, contemplating the inward of his throat. I see his uvula. Then he shoves the cucumber in again, very slowly this time. He does this a couple of times _posing_ with the stupid vegetable, and to top it off he keeps asking, “hm, doesn't that look a little dumb?”

Yes you fool, you look like an idiot, a complete idiot! Don't you ever listen to me? Of course not, he tries again. Why even ask me if you don't care about my opinion!

“How does he do it, damn it!” Naruto bursts out. “There must be a way to get it further down without ...! And then swallow and hum and all that shit? This can't be real!”

Without ... without what, Naruto? He's trying to get the cucumber further and further down – oh oh, better not do this – Naruto I have a bad feeling, a very bad feeling! Naruto can you hear me? I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm sure Sasuke would never do something like this, there is just no way he'd ever –  
With the cucumber stuck deeply in Naruto's throat, he suddenly opens his eyes widely, shocked, his face glaring red – I know this face, it's exactly like back then when you were so wasted you didn't make it to the toilet – 

GROSS GROSS GROSS!!! He chokes and vomits into the sink. _Remove that! Clean that immediately you psycho!_

…

I think I just experienced a blackout. Naruto is already cleaning the sink. He looks extremely frustrated and disappointed. “Don't know why they make such a fuss about it anyway, it's not _that_ good” he babbles, “that's it, no more deepthroating, get it out of your head smartass ...”

This time, his scrubbing is meticulous. And he brushes his teeth for fifteen minutes. 

 

It's five forty in the morning as I saw when Naruto opened my left side. He's not a morning person. Too bad for him. I reflect his crumpled face mercilessly. I've been doing this for days and nothing else. We're officially at war.

You look like shit, I say cruelly. Eye rings touching ground level and a skin like gray cheese. He looks at himself, flinching badly. Gotcha!

Sasuke joins him, putting his arm around Naruto. “Morning,” he mumbles into his ear. I think. Naruto still looks crushed. “What's wrong?” Sasuke asks. 

Naruto glances at me, frowning, then laughs unhappily. “It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes it's almost like the mirror hates me.”

Me? Noooo.

“Why?” Sasuke asks.

Naruto's shoulders are hunched. “I don't know ... it's just that some days, when I feel like shit anyway, it's like everything gets even worse as soon as I look into the mirror. I can almost hear a voice telling me to go fuck myself and die in a corner.”

Sasuke snorts. “That _is_ ridiculous. It's just a mirror.” He grabs the toothpaste and starts brushing. Pouting, Naruto pushes Sasuke to the side and bends down to wash his face. Sasuke looks at Naruto's back, and his expression softens. 

I don't like the way Sasuke wrote me off like that. How he said 'mirror'. As if saying 'stupid lifeless potato sack'.

After Naruto has left, Sasuke suddenly examines me in a strange way. What's with that skeptical expression? He opens and closes my doors a few times. There's a deep line between his eyebrows.

Talk to me, Sasuke! You just had some idea, didn't you. Something really stupid, listen, that's your bad decision face! I know you Sasuke, bad idea, very bad –  
He leaves the bathroom.

 

When I see them again, I know instantly that something is wrong.

“You really think so?” Naruto asks, scrutinizing me.

“Yeah,” Sasuke says, “the creak of the doors is annoying.” He opens and closes my door. What? “And the lacquer is broken off at the corners, see?” 

Is he talking about me? What's wrong with my lacquer?

“Come on, it's not that bad. We could paint it anew, in a different color!”

What are they talking about, actually? It's a little creepy – did Naruto just defend me?

“No, we're going to sell it.” Sasuke has closed the door and turned away from me. What? Did you just say ... sell me? Me? There must be a mistake here.

“But then we'd need to buy a new one.” Wait, they're already talking about a new one? And what about me? “This one fits so well into the niche. Look, it's exactly two centimeters to the right and to the left.”

Naruto – your goodness moves me to tears. You're a decent guy, haven't we always had a great time together? When I shouted all that stuff at you I didn't really mean it, you know that. We're friends, aren't we?

Sasuke turns around again. “Naa, it's old and creaks. We can have a better one.”

I can't believe this. Sasuke, you – you traitor! Haven't I always been good to you? Every day I've looked at you, done everything for you, polished your ego and always said the right things! I never, never would have thought that you'd betray me like this! I hate you Sasuke, how could I've been so wrong about you!

He has the nerve to check his reflection before leaving the room. I say automatically, you look perfect!

 

A stranger is standing in the bathroom. Who is that guy? Why is he wearing a mask over his mouth and nose, isn't that a sign of an untrustworthy character? I can't even see what he's saying! Are you sure he wants to buy me and not scrap me somewhere? Oh God, you can't do this, you're going to take me to the recycling yard ...!

The guy talks. Sasuke is also there, making his skeptical face again. His eyebrows are almost up at his hairline. Damn, what did the guy say? It must be something about me!

Naruto sticks his head in. “What did you say, Kakashi?”

Naruto, angel! The guy named Kakashi chuckles.

Sasuke crosses his arms. “He was talking to the mirror.”

To me?

“Really? What did he say?”

“He said, 'you should feel honored because soon you'll be able to see something no one else is allowed to see'.”

What's that supposed to mean? … Wait a second – wait wait – something that no one else is allowed to see? Please no, please not another pervert! Nooo –  
They take me down from my hook and cart me off. No one hears my screams.

 

At Kakashi's, on the wall. Finally. It took long enough, he's left me standing in his hallway for two months. I'm black with dust!

Kakashi comes closer, looks at me – and I think he's really looking at me – the mirror, not himself, before he moves his hand to his face to show me IT. Under his mask – I can't put IT into words, what is THAT?! – 

A dirty grin is plastered on his face. He speaks slowly, so that I can understand every word. 

“Now tell me all your secrets.”

FIN


End file.
